while the planets revolve...

so im back to this whole 'what is life' phase. its been a while, not thought about the beyond ever since the remote passed by. alcohol rushing through my head, substituting blood...cell by cell. but whatever, been here, done this.

i guess only when im lost, am i truly searching...but only to an extent that doesnt require me to devour every bit of reasoning in me, to that limit where im not thinking without being in doubt first.

its been a while.

i guess ive not written in here for a while only because my brain seized to challenge the unknown, accepting what is, as is. only because i didnt have a choice, and even if i did, didnt dare to wander away from a suitable path which would help me by all means. i guess i wasnt in capacity to do so.

but every now and then, the question pops up. only to be subdued by the current events of everyday life. the usual, since the past 5 years. i have still not lost the desire to follow in the strides of many people to figure it all, im just being stalled. until the winds change, i am as im to be.

i know this page is getting more and more personal post-by-post, but i have no other venue to vent out the simulations in my brain. this, by far, has been my single most comforting stage where i could rant as i wish, without having to cope up with an awkwardly self.

other people just dont have the time to waste like i do. i shouldnt either, but...

in my most dire moments of distress, i wish only that i could be as responsible as the people around me, as diligent, as understanding, as smart to just do whatever i should ideally be doing in my best interests and for the sake of people i really owe it to.

i wish...